Well—not exactly. But now that I have your attention…adoption research shows playing with your child for an hour a day matters—a lot!

Adoption can be exhausting. A child has endless needs, and an adopted or foster child has that much more. Whether you adopted an older child or infant, a good night’s sleep is hard to come by. Maybe dinner time is a hassle; bedtime a challenge. I’d imagine as a parent, the idea of sitting down on the floor and playing may sound nice, but impractical. 

Even so, stepping into their world and playing with your child is paramount to bonding. 

Think about it, when we seek out friends or significant others, we want quality time.  The question of whether or not someone will be with or do something important to us is huge. 

So too, with kiddos, they process whether or not you are willing to join them in their interests. Not just in a conversation at the dinner table about school, friends, etc. but face to face time, on the floor with their toys and imagination. Can you follow their play? Be a character they give you? 

In the world of adultness and tasks you are in charge. In this play, however, can you hand them the reigns and follow them? And can you do it regularly? 

That’s a challenge. 

I realize that suggesting you set aside the adult tasks of cleaning the house, making sure homework is completed, etc. can seem irrational. And building in an hour a day of play may indeed seem overwhelming, especially when there may or may not be cycles of arguing between you two. So how does a parent go about it?

1. Start small.

You aren’t ready to play for an hour? Or you can’t find the time? That’s fine. Can you handle fifteen minutes? Even less than ten if you can’t. The idea is to grow your capacity first. Set a timer. Allow that you may indeed be bored, or feel out of your element. That’s normal. Practice presence with your feelings and your child. 

2. Prune the “less important tasks.”

Homework comes second when you are trying to build a relationship with your child. They don’t have to get caught up on all the things right away. So is there an optional assignment you can drop? What is the minimum amount they can do? Maybe you can drop an extra commitment you have outside of the family (if participating isn’t a source of sanity). 

3. Reward yourself.

One way through hard things is to associate them with pleasant ones. Do you drink coffee or tea? Poor yourself a cup before you sit down. Or, put money every time you play into a fund for a night away from the kiddos. 

If you have a spouse alternating children, or taking turns, can go a long way too. Quality time spent playing together does not replace cuddle time during TV or reading before bed, nor the other way around. It may seem like basic common sense that time spent together builds connection, but no one is denying that actual application can be a challenge. The suggestion to build in more isn’t meant to create guilt, but help blossom desire. 

Giving time for play isn’t easy, but possible. 

Call or email today if you want to chat more or learn more about play therapy.